


Hysterical Romance

by M3tt3m



Category: GOT7, K-pop
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Bottom Mark - Freeform, Established Relationship, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Fuckbuddies, Kinda, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Misunderstandings, Pining, Pining Mark, Possibly Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-18 19:06:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8172614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M3tt3m/pseuds/M3tt3m
Summary: Mark and Jackson has been secretly dating for about a year when they decide to tell the other members about their relationship. Well, except that there seems to be a bit of a misunderstanding between the two what exactly this ‘relationship’ is.





	1. A Realization

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first got7 fanfic, it hasn't been really been checked over for mistakes.

The best day of mark’s life had to be the day Jackson kissed him for the first time. Mark had had a crush on his friend for a while by then, and when Jackson one day just leaned over and laid one on him. Well it had been surprising but not upsetting, like in anyway. His little heart doing flips in his chest, the hair on his arms standing stiff and fireworks going off behind his eyelids. When Jackson started pulling away mark had followed him like he had been glued to Jackson’s lips, not willing to let it end just yet. The smile shared between them after had almost been sweeter than the kiss had been, almost. A kiss shared late at night in their shared little dorm room, their little secret, a kiss shared in the moonlight one arbitrary night or the beginning of their relationship, it didn’t matter how it was phrased it was mark’s dearest memory. 

They hadn’t really talked about what it meant for their relationship when it had happened, Jackson didn’t bring it up and Mark was too scared of what the outcome of such a conversation could be to ever mention it. But soon after the first kiss more seemed to happened, they were spending more and more time together just the two of them: locked in their room “sleeping” or going out to eat after practice. They went out on little dates, like a stroll in a park (in disguise of course, always ended with them trying to shake stalker fans but it was always fun while it lasted), trips to a local café or once even a trip to an aquarium (they had a sea turtle exhibit Jackson really wanted to see). They started fooling around more and more in their room late at night when the others had gone to sleep (or at least put headphones on…). The first time Jackson actually fucked Mark had rival their first kiss as Mark’s favorite memory. It had been slow, gentle and loving, they had been kissing the whole time. Jackson’s fingers laced with Mark’s and soft murmurs of reassurances and encouragements against his lips and neck. It had also been the first time Mark had told Jackson he loved him. 

Months went by in the same pattern, they would practice, perform, film and all that and at the end of the day crawl into bed together. Sometimes on off days go on their little dates, and even at times spent their breaks with each other’s family. Meeting the parents had been easy for them, since they already knew them, AND the fact that the parents really didn’t know it was a ‘meet the parents’ situation since they were keeping everything on the low. Mark had however started to think about telling the other members, it was getting kind of hard to keep it secret from them anyway. And it would really be better if it all came out from them telling them than one of them walking in on something they really shouldn’t have to see… 

Mark had started bringing up the topic to Jackson in their little post coital conversations, and he didn’t seem opposed to it as far as Mark could assess. While thinking back it did seem weird that they never had that conversation about what exactly their relationship was, but when they kissed, cuddled, shared a bed, had sex, went on dates and had met the families, it never really seemed necessary. Mark loved Jackson and surely Jackson loved Mark back even though he wasn’t really that verbal about it. They had been dating for almost a year and now they were going to tell their best friends about it, share their happiness maybe even tell their families next! Mark’s family had been hinting about it for a while now and while Mark never confirmed anything he would smile brightly at every mention of Jackson or the two of them together. 

The day came where they were going to tell the others about their relationship, and Mark was so excited! They could finally be open about everything at the dorm, they wouldn’t have to hide away in their room behind a locked door, Mark couldn’t wait. They had agreed silently agreed that Jackson would lead the conversation, Mark was naturally quiet and prone to just letting Jackson talk and talk and talk. And to be honest Mark enjoyed every second of it, Jackson could drone on about the most boring thing in the world and Mark would still listen because having Jackson’s undivided attention and listening to his voice was a drug Mark wasn’t ashamed to admit being addicted to. So when the words weren’t “we are dating”, “we are in love” or some other way to say the same thing what was coming out of Jackson’s mouth, but instead “Mark and I have been helping each other out for a while now, if you know what I mean” he had said with a wink. He followed it up with “we just wanted to tell you guys so you wouldn’t be too shocked if you were to walk in on something” still smiling brightly. Mark sitting beside him had lost his smile though, he was looking, very confused, at Jackson trying to figure out what was going on. Desperately trying to keeping him heart from accidentally falling from his hands, but it was currently like a bar of soap almost, slippery and hard to hold on to. He was lucky everyone was looking at a smiling Jackson still, he couldn’t handle someone questioning his facial expressions at that moment. He was far too close to falling apart. The others had been quiet for a while like Jackson’s blunt statement wasn’t really getting processed, that Mark could fully  
understand. He too seemed to have a hard time putting the exact meaning of Jackson’s words in to perspective. Surprisingly it was Youngjae that was the first to speak up. 

“… I thought you guys were dating…? Like you are not always quiet you know and you go on little dates from time to time, right?” 'me too, Youngjae, me too…' though Mark wasn’t brave enough to actually voicing his thoughts and especially not in front of the others.  
Jackson laughed. 

And shook his head like that was a silly thought to have. 

Mark had to swallow hard to keep the tears at bay. Fuck it was hard. He was hardly breathing, his chest hurt, and his eyes were watering in a worrying way. But he still attempted a fake smile to cover up everything that was currently going on the inside, to put up the front that he agreed with everything Jackson was saying. 

“NO, No, no, of course we’re not! How funny would that be though! Us dating!? Gives them Markson fangirls something to dream about! HA!” 

Jackson was stilling stifling his giggles at the thought, but soon continued stomping on Mark’s heart in a more serious tone, still amused in his overall demeanor.  
“but no, even as funny as that would be, we’re just two friends helping each other out. You know, release the tension while avoiding any possibility of a scandal, it’s brilliant really!” 

Mark’s heart had completely shattered in his hands and he felt a little like he was bleeding from a thousand little cuts all over his hands and chest. He didn’t get up though, he stayed put fighting the tears. He knew the moment he entered the bathroom he would break down and it would be ugly and worst of all obvious that Mark hadn’t agreed with what Jackson had said. Soon the conversation changed to something less controversial, Mark hadn’t even heard the rest of the members questions and opinions on the matter. He had drowned everything out after Jackson had voiced his opinion on the thought of them dating. He just stayed put, not uttering a single sound, too afraid that the dam would break and everything come rushing out. The others didn’t really notice, Mark was after all naturally quiet, though quick to laugh along to whatever joke Jackson had made or sarcastic remark Jinyoung or Jaebum had made. The night came and everyone made their ways to their respective bedrooms, Mark being the last to get up deciding to wait till Jackson was done with his nightly routine before moving. He had taken to taking deep calming breath to keep his emotions in check. He came to the conclusion while brushing his teeth; if the only way for Mark to have Jackson is as his fuck buddy then so be it.


	2. Breaking Point

And so the relationship continued, or lack thereof. Mark was miserable. He didn’t smile as much, didn’t laugh as much, he was even more quiet than before but fortunately no one had called him out on it. He had been living a lie for a year, a year. And he felt like an idiot for not realizing it sooner, how stupid could he be!? Of fucking course Jackson didn’t love him! For one he had NEVER said that he did! So it had all just been in Mark’s stupid little head to begin with! He had no one to blame but himself and his own stupidity. Every night when Jackson would press up against Mark or fuck him, Mark could pretend for those fleeting moments that Jackson does love him, that that announcement never happened and Mark was still living in blissful ignorance. He still hadn’t let himself cry, he knew sooner or later that he would have to stop  
suppressing his emotions or he would burst. But as long as he wasn’t crying over the loss of a never existing relationship, then he could keep pretending that it wasn’t true, he was essentially living in denial but he really really didn’t care. He wasn’t sure he could keep this thing with Jackson up if he stopped, and not having Jackson was a terrifying thought even if it was an inevitability. He had considered fighting for it, try making Jackson love him and other things along those line and it just seemed laughable and naïve and stupid. Jackson had already made clear how laughable and impossible he thought a relationship with Mark was, so why try when he knew it would only lead to more heartbreak. Hope had become his number one enemy as of late, it was what had gotten him into this whole mess in the first place. He had hoped and wished so hard for Jackson to love him back that the moment he had been presented with even the possibility of it, he had jumped on it and made it his reality. And he had been happy. So so happy in his little made up reality. Until the moment the illusion had been broken and Mark had been forced into the real world. So here he was, holding on to the last remnant of his imaginary relationship. While it had been true Jackson spent most of his time with Mark he had also been going out one on one with the other members. But in trying to convince himself that when they gone out it had been special he had ended up ignoring this fact completely. Delusional much? Yeah he thought so. 

He actually managed to keep it up for a little over two months, it wasn’t until Jackson casually had mentioned going to the aquarium with one of the other members he had hit his breaking point. They had a day off and it had started with slow morning sex and Mark had once again managed to convince himself they were making love. It isn’t until Jackson gets up after having lazed around in bed with Mark for a while, casually mentioning going out with Bambam. Mark just hums and Jackson takes it to mean that he should tell Mark all that he and Bambam is going to do that day. Mark has sat up on the bed still naked, only covered by the blanket pooling in his lap. Jackson is trying to fix his hair in the mirror with his back turned to Mark. This is when Jackson casually mentions that they are going to see the sea turtles at the aquarium. And Mark’s emotional barrier breaks, the tears start flowing and no matter how hard he tries to stop he just can’t. His hands are clenched in the blanket in his lap, desperately trying to regain control before Jackson turns around and sees. Even if Jackson doesn’t love him like Mark wants him to, he is still a great friend and will want to know what is causing his friend pain. He has been holding these feelings in for months now and they aren’t going back in the nice little box he had been keeping them in like he wants them to. 

The little sniffles Mark is so desperately trying to suppress alert Jackson that something is in fact wrong. He turns around to find Mark looking at him with a sad, hopeless, heartbroken and most of all defeated, tears streaming uncontrollably down his cheeks. Jackson rushes forward to his friend and hugs him. The moment Jackson embraces him, Mark sobs into Jackson’s shoulder, his hands going limp and the last of his control breaks. His hands come up twisting themselves into the fabric covering Jacksons back, holding on as tightly he can because this might be the last time he gets to be this close once Jackson finds out the reason for his breakdown. 

Jackson just tries to sooth him to the best of his ability. He still has absolutely no clue what set mark off, but something has upset his friend very very much and that just doesn’t fly in his book. So sooth him he does, he hugs him close, gently rubbing his back, rocking them side to side and tells him softly that everything is going to be alright. It goes on for quite a while, when mark is somewhat calmed down Jackson fishes his phone out of his back pocket and texts Bambam calling their little outing off, saying something came up with mark, not to disturb them and to pass the message along to the others. Jackson was getting to the bottom of this no matter what, his friend was hurting and that just couldn’t continue. Mark was still holding Jackson tight despite having mostly stopped crying, tears were still periodically slipping out and he was still sniffling pitifully but the ugly, heartbreaking sobs had thankfully stopped. Slowly Mark removed his face from Jackson’s shoulder to wipe his eyes and cheeks with his hands, finally realizing that he was still completely naked. 

“… Jackson?” Mark finally forced out in his croaky tear-filled voice. Jackson snapped to attention, looking at mark with eyes brimming with unvoiced questions.  
Mark’s gaze fell to his lap and his fingers now curling and uncurling in the blanket covering his naked form. 

“… this is going to be a pretty hard conversation to have with you… and I really wouldn’t mind not being naked when we have it…” Mark said in a soft voice. 

Jackson’s eyes widened, seemingly also having forgotten Mark’s current state of dress, or lack thereof in this instant. Jackson awkwardly stood up from the bed “…of course! I’ll just… I’ll just. Yeah.” Awkwardly rubbing at his neck before turning around, walking towards the door stopping shortly to say “I’ll just… get you some tea or water or something” and leaving the room. 

Mark just sighs, his body feels heavy and his heart even more so. This was a conversation he really didn’t want to have to have, especially with Jackson. It was embarrassing, humiliating and just all around upsetting, having to admit how stupid and delusional he had been and for how long. But there was no getting around it now, Jackson took being a good friend very seriously and wouldn’t let a friend suffer in silence even if that was what they wanted the most in the whole fucking world. It was one of the things Mark loved about him, but finding himself on the receiving end this time made him curse this trait to the gods. Knowing there’s no getting around this, he got up and put some clothes on, not like clothes he would go out in but comfort clothes. Like his favorite oversized t-shirt which just happened to be Jackson’s, and a comfortable pair of sweat pants. He then proceeded to climb back in bed so he was sitting against the wall with the blanket and pillows making it a lot more comfortable. This was going to be uncomfortable enough might as well make himself as comfortable as possible before he was going to have to spill his well-guarded secrets. Now all there was left was waiting for Jackson to return.


	3. Wild Theories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i promise you're actually getting the markson conversation next, this just didn't want to be it... and Jackson's stupidity will be addressed...

Jackson closed the door softly behind him. He walked through the living room to the kitchen only to find five pairs of eyes on him. They all start to talk at the same time, questions flying and accusations thrown with intent. From what Jackson was able to piece together from their erratic shouting, was that they all thought Jackson had asked them to stay away so they could fuck. Bambam had apparently been annoyed at this and had gone to disrupt their perceived fucking by banging on the door and just annoy the two as much as a scorned Bambam could. He had also brought Yugyeom along as his partner in crime, and the two had heard Mark’s loud heartbroken sobs instead of the moans they were sure they would hear. Jackson cursed the paper thin walls of their tiny dorm, just like every time he wanted to fuck Mark and Mark was too shy to make any noise in fear the others would wake up and hear. He quickly discarded that line of thought, a bit insensitive with the situation he was about to face. He held up a hand in hope of halting the barrage of words currently being thrown in his face. 

“guys. Guys. Stop. I don’t know what’s going down. I just know that Mark is hurting and I’m about to find out why, ok?” there was total silence. 

“…I’m just gonna take a bottle of water for Mark and get back to him…”

he had turned around to walk back out of the kitchen with the water bottle in hand when he’s stopped by Jinyoungs voice. 

“Jackson? Just… just don’t hurt him more, ok?” 

Jackson turns around to protest! Of course, he wasn’t going to hurt Mark more! But was silenced by the soft “please.” Uttered again by Jinyoung in a heavy voice, suggesting that he at least had an idea of what was hurting Mark so damn much. And apparently Jackson was involved enough with the reason that handling this wrong could end up hurting his friend even more. 

With a heavy heart, Jackson nodded slowly at Jinyoung with a serious look on his face, this wasn’t a time for fooling around. The room was tense and completely silent, all waiting for something to happen but no one did or said anything. Jackson and Jinyoung sharing a moment of eye contact again before Jackson took a deep breath and turned around and left the room. The others were left in the room still too tense to say or do anything but look at each other. They were so so worried, Mark was hurting and they had apparently not even noticed? How long had it been going on? how long had Mark been allowed to wallow in his own misery? From what they had been able to hear the sobs had been heart wrenching, so much hurt and misery in every breath taken. 

They all the turn to the only one who apparently had had an idea something bad was going on. The only one currently not moving his gaze from his hands placed on the table. 

“don’t look at me like that.” Jinyoung said in a quiet voice. 

“JInyoung, do you know what’s going on?” Jaebum said in a serious voice, his ‘leader voice’ as the maknaes had affectionately dubbed it. 

“no, I can’t be sure but I do have an idea.” Jinyoung was still just staring at his hands. Their meals lay forgotten beside them, all hunger having disappeared the moment Jackson entered the room and they had realized the severity of the situation. Jackson’s face had reflected in his eternally open face that this hadn’t just been a misunderstanding, that something was in fact very wrong in their little dorm. 

“are you going to tell us exactly what this ‘idea’ you have is?” Jaebum asks in a stern voice. He really wasn’t in the mood for half answers and technicalities. 

“No.” 

The answer shocks everyone, no one had anticipated that response or having it uttered in that defiant voice. 

“it’s not my place. And if I’m right, then it doesn’t concern any of us anyway. So just back off and let Mark and Jackson work everything out themselves.” The Shock is still visible in everyone’s faces, it had all seemingly come out of nowhere. The air in the room seemed to get thicker, Jinyoung and Jaebum were staring hard at each other.  
“They are adults and as long as this doesn’t affect our work then we should give them the privacy they deserve.” Jinyoung continues. It seemed obvious to all that the them and ‘they’ was actually a reference to Mark and not them as a pair. 

“Just, just tell me that this isn’t… physical… in anyway?” a gasp sounded throughout the room. Everyone was shocked that Jaebum could even suggest that mark had done something to himself or someone else had done something to Mark. 

“what!? You all see it too, how thin he is. How he doesn’t really eat regularly anymore… and he’s so quiet, I can’t remember the last time I heard him speak more than 5 words” JInyoung’s eyes grew big, he hadn’t seen that. And with everyone else’s reactions no one else had either, but when they thought about it, Jaebum had a point. 

“WHAT? NO. no. that’s not. That is not it. We are blowing this totally out of proportions! This just has to do with the relationship between Mark and Jackson!” Jinyoung exclaims. 

“remember when Jackson told us that they had been fucking? Did anyone notice how much more distant Mark had seemed after their little coming out? Quieter? Eating less? I just think we’re dealing with a bit of miscommunication, that’s all.” As Jinyoung is explains a look of understanding settles over everyone’s faces with hints of relaxation mixed in. Once confirmed that this isn’t in anyway life threatening everyone’s shoulders seems to drop a little as if the tension is literally evaporating from their pores and out of their bodies. But then a moment of dread sets in. No one seems particularly willing to say what everyone is thinking. 

“… how long did Jackson say they had been ‘fucking’?...” Yugyeom wonders out loud.

“He didn’t…a while or something right” Jinyoung replies. 

“a year.” Youngjae cuts in. Necks snap and all eyes are suddenly on Youngjae. 

“I heard them.” Is all the explanation they get out of him though, seemingly not willing to give any more details on the matter. 

“a year.” Jinyoung repeats in a soft voice as if he didn’t intend for any of the others hearing him. But adding a year to the story Jinyoung had been painting for them and Jaebum’s observations. It suddenly all made sense, putting the puzzle pieces together as they had been laid out for them only lead to one conclusion and it was heartbreaking.


	4. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this really wasn't easy to write, i hope this was at least somewhat satisfying?

Jackson stood outside the door to their room, he was hesitating. Suddenly afraid of what Mark was going to say. He knew mark was hurting and that he was probably to blame, and that was terrifying. It was terrifying to think that something Jackson had unconsciously done had hurt Mark this deeply. Mark was one of his best friends and he loved him, he would never do anything to hurt him, but he had. And he hadn’t even realized it. The same line of thought was going around in a circle in his head, he was just procrastinating the inevitable he knew that. But it didn’t make opening the door in front of him any easier. 

He finally took a deep breath, closed his eyes and opened the door. 

Mark was sitting surrounded by pillows and his blanket against the wall. Dressed in Jacksons shirt he noted. Mark sent Jackson a hesitant smile, beckoning him to enter the room and join him. The reluctance to having this conversation was obvious in his eyes. Jackson was kind of relieved to see that Mark was dreading this as much as he was. Jackson held out the water bottle to Mark waiting for him to take it before taking a seat beside him. He thought it might be easier for Mark to say everything he has to if he doesn’t have to look Jackson in the eyes while doing it. When Mark didn’t protest the seating arraignment, Jackson relaxed back into his seat. 

Jackson didn’t say a word he just waited for Mark to start talking. This was Mark’s time to talk and Jackson wasn’t about to ruin that. He always wanted to hear Mark talk more, he knew it was just bullshit when Mark said he wasn’t thinking anything or didn’t have anything to say. Maybe he had let Mark get away with hiding in himself too much, maybe he should have been more insistent on hearing what Mark had to say. Maybe if he had listened more they would never have had to have this conversation in the first place. 

Mark was having a hard time finding the words. He just didn’t know where to start, how to put words to his stupidity, naivety, delusions or the misunderstandings. He didn’t want to talk. But he had to. He had to get it all out. It was now or never, he knew if he hid away now he would never get the courage to tell Jackson the truth again. Not that he thought that Jackson would actually let him get away with not telling him what was bothering him. Not this time, he could see the guilt, worry and hints of anger in Jackson’s face. When Jackson sat down next to him it was a giant relief, he didn’t think he would get through the conversation if he had to watch all the emotions cross Jackson’s face as he spoke. He needed something in his hands if he was going to do this, something to calm him. 

“could you get coco before we begin?” Mark asked timidly. He knew he should have asked him before he sat down or just have gotten up to get his dog himself. But moving felt like a giant challenge he didn’t want to face and he needed his beloved dog. Jackson just nodded and quickly went to find Coco. He didn’t care if he had to pry the puppy out of Youngjae’s hands, if having his dog in his lap was what was going to make Mark more comfortable then his dog Mark was getting. Thankfully Youngjae didn’t say a word when Jackson without a word came in swooped up coco from Youngjae’s lap where the dog had been napping moments before. And then just left, a determined look on his face stopped all protestations Youngjae might have had. 

With the dog deposited in Mark’s lap, and a well-placed look from Jackson. Mark was ready to talk, having had a moment to gather his thoughts once again. 

“Have you ever heard of hysterical pregnancies?” Mark asked. 

Jacksons head snapped to look at Mark, confusion painted across his face. 

“No.” Jackson replied in a gruff voice. 

Mark hesitates for a second before continuing. 

“It’s when a woman wants a child so much that her body starts acting like there’s actually a baby, even though there isn’t” Mark states. 

Jackson still looks very much confused notes Mark. 

“All the symptoms are there but there’s no baby.” He continues. 

“Okay?” Jackson says in an uncertain tone, the question in his voice obviously questioning where Mark is going with this. What is he trying to say? That he wanted a baby? Jackson certainly felt stupid in that moment. 

“So I guess you can say I suffered for a long time from a hysterical relationship in a way. Or hysterical romance, I guess.” Mark doesn’t look at Jackson. He just concentrates on petting an unruly Coco in his lap. 

“I wanted a relationship so bad that I created one out of nothing. I started seeing the symptoms of something that wasn’t really there, and I believed with everything I could.” Mark’s voice was becoming shaky; tears were filling up his throat once again. Dread was filling Jackson’s body, he had a feeling where Mark was going with this and he really really didn’t like it. 

“I don’t blame you, you know. You didn’t know, you couldn’t have known. I know, I told you I loved you the first time we…” Mark’s voice trickles off, seemingly unable to say the words. He takes a deep breath before he continues. 

“But I also never clarified what I meant, I never told you I was in love with you…” 

No, no. NO. no. 

This couldn’t be happening. Jackson mind just couldn’t wrap itself around the words coming out of Mark’s voice. 

“I get that in that moment, and the ones that followed, you didn’t feel that way about me and therefore couldn’t really imagine that I felt something else than you did. That doesn’t make you stupid or anything, please don’t think that! I can’t really blame you because I did the exact same thing.” 

“what do you mean?” Jackson interrupts, once again feeling confused though this time he also just feels awful in general. 

“I was so in love with you that even if you didn’t say it back, I couldn’t imagine doing what we were doing, the way we were doing them, if you didn’t… if you didn’t feel the same way. It never even crossed my mind that it was a possibility.” A few tears escape Mark’s eyes, the words seemingly painful to pronounce. 

“you know, we never really talked about it?” Mark asks, though he doesn’t expect an answer. He says it with a cynically sounding laugh, and small almost sarcastic smile on his lips, he doesn’t, however, move his gaze from the small dog in his lap. 

“I went on thinking… thinking that you loved me back, that I was the luckiest person in the whole wide world because I had Wang Jackson and he loved me.” The last part spoken as if he was sharing a secret with his dog rather than confessing everything to the love of his life. Because that was what Jackson was to Mark, the love of his life, the one, his soulmate or so he had thought. 

“I was so blinded by my own affection for you that I couldn’t, wouldn’t, see the truth.” The words were getting harder and harder to say, and his voice was breaking.  
“I would explain away any hint that you didn’t feel the same for me. No romantic dates? We couldn’t because what if someone saw. No kissing outside our room? What if the others saw? Going out just the two of us would automatically be filed as a date in my head. Looking back, it was so obvious, I, I” Mark lets out another laugh, laughing at how ridicules he had been. More tears were running down his face. 

“… I actually thought that telling the others was going to allow us to be more romantic and do more couple stuff. How sad is that.” Mark tries to dry his face but more tears just replaces the ones removed. Jacksons heart sank, Mark didn’t have to explain how that had gone. 

For the first since his explanation of what a hysterical pregnancy is, Mark looks at Jackson’s face. Tears are running down his face just as fast they are on Mark’s face. He looks devastated, like he can’t believe what he is hearing. “I’m sorry” Mark says hardly louder than a whisper, ashamed of everything and feeling awful for making Jackson cry. He hadn’t done anything wrong, Mark had been the one in the wrong. He opens his mouth to continue apologizing but Jackson reaches out and takes a hold of his hand and gives it a squeeze. 

“Continue.” Jackson says in a firm voice. 

Mark looks down at his hands, one still placed in Coco’s soft fur, another now cradled in Jackson’s warm hand. 

“I thought, I thought if all I could have was those few hours every night where I could pretend again, pretend that you loved me again -” A sob breaks free from Mark’s throat and more and more tears keeps falling. “- I would be alright, that I would be okay. But I wasn’t. I wasn’t okay. I didn’t want to talk; I didn’t have anything to say. I just wanted the day to be over so I could go back in my little imaginary world. I didn’t feel hungry and I didn’t want to have to sit around the table with you and the others and pretend that my whole world hadn’t just been crushed to fine dust and blown in my eyes. That everything I held dear hadn’t just turned out to not even be real, it had ALL been in my head. And I didn’t know what to do with that and I didn’t understand how I had gotten there in the first place. Or where I had gone wrong.” Mark was desperately trying to hold the sobs in. 

“I thought, as long as I still had a piece of you it would be alright, that it would be enough but it wasn’t.” Jacksons heart sank through the floor. 

“I guess, when you brought up the aquarium and the turtles it just the last straw. I know it seems stupid that that was what got me, but our trip last year had been one of our first real dates last year. At least to me it had and it had meant so much to me. I think that was when it finally fully sank in, it was almost as if I had believed that if I just held on hard enough it would turn out to have all been a horrible nightmare.” He stops trying to hold them in, and sobs starts wrecking through his body. He actually did it. He let it all out. He told Jackson everything. It hurt so so much but he was also somehow relieved. He felt lighter than he had for the last two months, like a huge burden had been lifted off of his shoulders. 

Jackson gently removes Mark’s hand from Coco where the little dog had been licking his hand, almost as if the tiny dog was trying to sooth it’s distressed owner. He picks up the dog and moves it out of the way before he starts rearranging the pillows and blanket. When satisfied he moves the sobbing Mark to lying position and lays down beside him. He pulls Mark close and lets him let it all out, a soothing hand rubbing his back. He knew that they still had a long way to go but he knew that they would be alright one day. It was going to be hard and this wasn’t the only hard conversation they were going to have to have. But it was the first step and he was so proud of Mark for taking it. Eventually they both managed to cry themselves to sleep in each others arms.

Where they were going to go from here was something they were going have to figure out another day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be the end, i might come back to it at some point but for now it's complete.  
> I know it doesn't feel quite finished and that there's a lot of unanswered questions and i really want to write a continuation later on but i don't see it being in the near future :'( 
> 
> i'll try, that's all i'm going to promise :')

**Author's Note:**

> I would love feedback positive or negative, constructive criticism is welcomed :) i'm just trying to become a better writer and storyteller as well as trying to improve my english.


End file.
